Essay for TGM

   In the story, Tom Wingfield shows the elements of desires of escape, family struggle, guiltiness, and family love towards audience. We chose the last part of act 8 to show Tom's struggle with Amanda, his mother, and his desires to escape this family; and we chose the ending monologue to show that he feels guilty because of leaving Laura, who is crippled, and his family, which he used to be the only worker in the family, also shows the family love to Laura: even though he leaves his family, he always think about Laura. By acting out Tom, it helps me to comprehend Tom's feeling after he leaves Amanda and Laura, and the his emotion when he finally makes the decision to leave his family.
   In the act 8 when Amanda asked Tom why he did not know his best friend is engaged, Tom said: "The warehouse is the place where I work, not where I know things about people!" It shows that Tom is getting furious because Amanda does not understand him. When Amanda keeps blaming him, Tom replied her in a short response:" I am going to the movies". Just like the situation happened in previous scene, Tom went to the movies as a way to escape. In this situation, he is sick of Amanda's complaints, he used this short response to show that he was mad and did not want to talk with her. In Tom's ending monologue, he said: "I did not go to the moon, I went much farther." At the end of Act 8, Amanda yelled to him that: "Go to the moon, you selfish dreamer!", his word, I went much farther, implies that he thinks himself as a selfish person.
  In the performance, the first scene for me is the quarrel between me and Amanda. First, when I tried to portray that Tom thinks Laura and Jim will be engaged and he feels excellent because he brings Jim here, I walk from the stage left to stage center, make myself a drink, and look around to find Jim in order to let Amanda praise me. But when I heard Jim was engaged with another girl, I put down my cup, and staring at Amanda; and when I said: "Jim? Engaged?", my voice becomes sharper, in order to show that I was surprised. Then, Amanda said it seems very peculiar Tom did not know Jim was engaged, my voice starts to get low, and containing a bit of anger. When Amanda said that what I am doing was all selfish pleasures, I stood up, shook my head, and slowly walked to the coat stand, to show that I endured enough of my mother's humiliation. And when Amanda asked me to leave, I said my words in a fast pace, so that feeling of anger can be shown to audience.
  The ending monologue starts with me walking on the bridge alone. Because in my comprehension, Tom was lonely. In order to show this, I walked slowly, then look around, tried to find something which I was familiar about it. After this, I should say: "The cities swept about me like dead leaves, leaves that were brightly colored but torn away from the branches." For me, this sentence means that once he leaves his family, just like a leave falls off from its tree, he feels helpless and homeless. I portrayed this by using my voice; I emphasize the word "leaves" to show that even though the leaves are colorful, just like the talent that Tom got, it would not change anything, and when I said it was torn away from the branches, I lower my voice, and my voice sounds like I am desperate. And when I said things about music, I looked to a place that was far away, in order to show that I was lost in my mind, thinking about my family, and Laura. Later on, I walked down the bridge, because I think on the bridge it limits my movements. After I walk down the bridge, Laura touches my shoulder. So I turned around, and pretend to look into her eyes because it was an illusion. Then, I got shocked, so I covered my mouth to try not to yell out. Then, I walked slowly, sit on a chair, and looked on the ground, because Tom at this point is feeling bad for his sister Laura. And he also felt a bit of regret so he will not be able to look straightly into Laura's eye if Laura is there. Following my words, I grabbed the cups on the table, and held it really hard, to show I am nervous. When I said: "Blow out your candles, Laura!" I almost yelled it out, because Tom supposed to be nervous and he is talking to the person he is scared to talk with. Then, I put down my cups, and said: " And so, good-bye!" In my opinion, this is a serious and solemn questions to Laura. It should be serious so I put down the cups. Then, the lights go off and I still sit there to wait for the music to the end.
  Overall, Acting as Tom is a challenge for me. Because Tom is an emotional character, a lot of emotions need to be expressed out either by voice or body movements. When I am facing to the audience, I will be nervous, then my voice will become lower and lower, I will start to forget words. But, acting as Tom helps me a lot to understand his feelings and what the words really mean.